It is better to be a happy couple than to look like one. By the way, you can find your partner in free christian dating apps
1. Giving your partner freedom.
Of course, in this formulation, the habit looks quite neutral. Although even such a description may stir one’s mind. In practice, observers often perceive trust in the partner as indifference and disinterestedness.
For example, a girl goes out with her friends to a bar. Both she and her partner, others may have questions: How did he let her go? Isn’t he afraid that she will certainly cheat on him? The very wording “let her go” looks pretty silly here: an adult doesn’t have to ask anyone to go out. A warning, yes. Nor do you always have to know what your partner is wearing, where he is at a particular moment, what he ate, and so on.
There is no love and care in total jealousy and constant control, there is nothing to admire. In them lies anxiety, low self-esteem, and a desire to control other people’s lives. And from this, both end up suffering.
2. Spending time apart.
It is naive to expect that partners who were strangers some time ago will suddenly turn into one organism with common interests and desires. One likes cosplay festivals and the other likes fishing. One wants to go to the movies on the weekend, and the other wants to go to a puppy show. You could say that in cases like this, it’s always worth agreeing: today the couple follows the desires of one, tomorrow – the other. But also periodically you can split up and do something apart. Everyone will be happy, there will be something to talk about in the evening.
Here, of course, the voices of the connoisseurs of the bond are heard in the background. How can it be, they ask, a couple is supposed to spend time together! This is true, but it is not how much time people spend with each other that matters, but how effectively. Partners can, for example, sit in neighboring chairs all weekend, each with his or her phone on, because they could not come to a compromise. Does that count as time spent together? Doubtful.
Another factor that usually comes into play here is the same jealousy. But here we can only go back to the previous point. Constant suspicions will not make the partner more faithful, they will only wear both of them out.
Put up with your partner’s shortcomings.
The popular idea is that people in a couple must necessarily make each other better, to grow above themselves. Dozens of women’s training are devoted to how to inspire a man to become richer, more intelligent, stronger, and higher. Dozens of men’s training are about how to “raise your wife.”
This approach is hard to call healthy. It is as if a man thinks he has found a talking log and is trying to carve a Pinocchio out of it. That is, in essence, he deprives him of his subjectivity, of his right to be who he is. We do not build relationships with a billet, but with a full-fledged person. He does not need new legs and fingers, he already has everything.
Besides, a partner’s flaws are not universal. What one person doesn’t like is pleasing to the other. So it’s worth admitting: if we want to change the person, we don’t care about making him better. We’re trying to make him fit us. That doesn’t sound super anymore.
Especially since all the qualities usually come in a package. There’s a great risk that by getting rid of the flaws, the partner will also lose the virtues that attracted you. So let him be the way you’ve come to love him.
4. Maintain boundaries.
Personal boundaries make us feel psychologically comfortable. They are a kind of set of rules that help you define for yourself and explain to others how you can and can’t be with you.
In a relationship, they do not magically arise, because the partner cannot know by default where your boundaries lie. For example, one person sees nothing wrong with reading other people’s correspondence and his phone can give up at any moment but is not happy when his portion of the food disappears from the fridge. And for someone else, it may be the opposite.
Discomfort is not leveled by the phrase “we are now one family, we can tolerate. It is quite difficult to feel calm and secure when your boundaries are constantly being pressed. So the person who has already once explained in words what things towards him do not like has a right to be angry. That doesn’t make him a hysterical person who throws fights over nothing. At the same time, nothing is charming about doing something to spite your partner and then cringing at how mad he is “over some nonsense.” And if you are not yet in a relationship, then go to this site
Setting and enforcing boundaries can be a tricky business. But if partners learn to voice their desires and respect the wishes of others, the relationship will be much happier than where they are used to tolerating and bending.
5 Put yourself first
It is important to immediately clarify the difference between “thinking of yourself” and “thinking only of yourself.” In the second case, it is unlikely to build a normal relationship. If one person is constantly pulling the blanket over himself, the other will have to put up with it forever and please, which he is unlikely to like.
But rational egoism is necessary to build healthy relationships. It just allows you not to go to extremes: somewhere to adjust, somewhere to look for compromises, and somewhere to stand firm and not allow the situation to develop not in your interests. Life is long, relationships can be much shorter. So it’s better not to invest all of yourself in them.
6. Check the current status of the relationship.
There’s a lot of folk wisdom like “if you start to doubt whether your partner is right for you, it’s time to break up, he’s not for you.” Because if you allow for the idea that it’s not just death that can keep you apart, it’s the downfall of everything. Wherever the relationship leads, you have to hold on to the last one.
Although it’s a good idea to occasionally dive out of the rut and look at your interaction with your partner with fresh eyes. Do you like everything about your relationship? Is it going where it’s going? How have you changed with your partner and do you still align with them on key issues?
The answers aren’t necessarily upsetting. You’ll likely be satisfied that your relationship is still great-even better than you imagined. Or you can find some cracks before they turn into tragic rifts, and fix things (at least put a beacon on them).
If you let things drift away, you risk one day discovering that the relationship ended long ago-you just didn’t realize it.